did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
