Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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