I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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