i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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