Old men and throwing up are my life now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize