This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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