no, he came in my armpit
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My bed smells like the plague
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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