even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
