I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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