I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
