Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
