It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
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You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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