I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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