turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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