Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
