I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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