My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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