Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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