I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
