I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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