yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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