Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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