I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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