He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
