We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
