is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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