I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm bleeding and have questions
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize