Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
