She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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