She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
