Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
