If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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