I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
