Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
