Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
