i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is it penis luge time yet?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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