Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
