My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
