I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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