Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
