I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
