it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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