tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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