i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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