First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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