even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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