and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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