I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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