Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
