The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I touched a dick in church today
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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