Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
