You're my little dorito
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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