I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
