and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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