Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
