Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
