i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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