Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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