shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
