I murdered the dance floor call the cops
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
