I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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