Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
