I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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